Monday, April 24, 2006 

Learning Style - Simplified

1.) Attend all meetings and events.
2.) DON'T QUIT.

The events are a part of your applied education. Don't limit yourself to eBooks, CDs, and DVDs. These are all great ways to associate with your preferred mentors. Attendance also reinforces your association with the kind of person you want to be and the lifestyle you want to live. You can predict your income in 5 years if you average out the incomes of your five closest friends. Not enough dough? Well then, my friend, you're gonna have to build a new crew. This doesn't mean you have to get rid of the old crew, you're just gradually reducing limiting elements in your lifestyle and moving towards a more progressive one. By all means, keep in touch with your old buddies. You may even inspire them to get out of their ruts.

Don't ever stop learning.
I see it as a limiting belief when I hear about guys who think they've spent so much money and gone through a lot to learn so many things and wind up feeling like they need to throw this stuff away and start anew. Well I think that's somewhat true. Your learning reduces the friction you have to free flow. It's a fundamental principle of improvisation to learn EVERYTHING you can, and then when it's showtime, forget it it all!

I do this all the time in band practices and on stage. I've found that when I DO become overly conscious of what I'm doing to the point where my analytical mind gets in the way, my flow gets disrupted. Being AWARE of these things is enough, just don't let it run your game. Eventually you'll develop your own style of doing things, influenced by the greatest minds in the biz. Whether you like it or not, you're indebted to them for getting you out of your rut and helping you build a better life.

There WAS a time that I actually had to UNLEARN techniques of drumming to build a different style. Since then, I've been able to distinguish the differences between the techniques, and turn them on and off at will. This applies well to using the right styles at the right time. You might even call this natural game. As the guys of theApproach coin it, it's about going SitRel: Situationally Relevant. Calibrate for this. Do the right things at the right time. Now keep in mind, I'm still a baby when it comes to all this stuff. I'm just taking what I've learned over the years, transferring, and applying them to this arena.

Do, THEN think.
Go out and enjoy yourself everywhere you go. Make the most of it. Carpe diem! Then reflect on your experiences over the day or the week, and so on. It's only a mistake if you don't learn from it. You either learn, or you win.

One more thing about educating yourself: readers are leaders. I'm reminded of a quote from Brian Tracy that I can't quite remember. But it was something to the effect of reading a book a week. 50 books a year is a surefire shot to a successful life.

Pastiche

Sunday, April 23, 2006 

Collapsing Time Frames

Here's a basic numbers progression for reaching your goals:

Do in 90 days what would normally take a year.
Do in 30 days what would normally take 3 months.
Do in 10 days what would normally take a month.
Do in 2 days what would normally take a week.

Friday, April 21, 2006 

Set It and Forget It

i am NOT an master of the arts. if anything, i'm just a guy working to improve his natural game to suit his needs. i'm NOT gonna go completely out of my way to learn certain things if i really don't feel like it. if i notice that i come across a certain situation quite often, THAT's when i'll see whether i want to do something about it, so that i make the most of the situation should it happen again.

Move Forward
i see it coming in the near future: there'll be a time that i review this blog and i'll notice a change in perspective. heck, isn't that what we do with journals anyway? views from the current perspective may conflict showing improvement and progression of the self. it's good track record. a progress report.

i'm finding that to really move on in my personal quest, i'll have to calm my racing mind by putting it down here, and then leaving it alone, not having to recall it in my mind again. all i have to do is look back here. on the other hand, a major benefit of this is that i'll be able to think of other things, perhaps towards innovation, and then i'll be able to put THOSE down here, and move on again. so on and so forth.

It's Music, Baby.
it's just like when you've thought of ideas for a song, and you don't wanna forget them. you write them down! and then what happens is that having put it down in writing allows you to free your mind, giving it the liberty of coming up with new material, sooner than if your mind were full of other crap. to stay progressive, i believe that the mind cannot afford to be stuck for very long. it's the difference between taking too much time to make a perfect hit when you could have come up with 10 great ideas, where 3 of them quickly and easily turned out to be remarkable without much thought.

Don't Regress!
i'm here to stay progressive. apparently i have a lot to say, and therefore, TOO MUCH on my mind. i have so much going on what with work, school, the band, gigs, social scene, etc. that i can't let myself be clouded by all the craziness. initially, this may seem like another thing on my plate, but in hindsight, its purpose is to move forward and improve the overall way i look at things and live my life. it's as necessary as books, pen, and paper for class. it's not that i don't have time for it. i have to MAKE time for it. it's just a part of my schedule. just like daygame in between appointments, ease it in.

Balance
that, and i also need to remind myself that i've always been a complete BRAIN when it comes to my own beliefs and philosophy. aside from my random, playful, corkiness, i'm a deep analytical thinker. those that've seen glimpses of this side of me have said that they'd go CRAZY if they thought the way i did. others have been intrigued by my sense of maintaining a balanced life. well whatever it is, it's a blessing for me.

i'm grateful for it.

Pastiche

Wednesday, April 19, 2006 

Peace of Mind

i've realized that my ultimate goal (or core value, you could say) for all this PUA business is to achieve a peace of mind. i research things and buy products according to whether my mind races about it or not. and i'm EXTREMELY picky about where i put my money. i'm the same way with girls. i used to have such ridiculously high standards that i've had to lower them a bit for me to even consider approaching more than what i'm truly looking for. these prospects may wind up as friends, or i might learn something new about the kinds of girls i'm open to... which is typically white, brunette, and petite.

i need to post something later about whether having too high standards can be a bad thing.

Learning Style
here's my approach to learning the ways of the PUA:
1.) learn everything you can.
2.) go and fuck it up! (and have fun doing it)

set your ego aside, and be willing to get your ass kicked. in reality, it's not gonna be that bad. 98% of the time, your fears don't come true. and sure, it may not be the most comfortable route, but it sure is the fastest!

for me, i'm really not concerned about going into the night scene and talking to all these girls. the kinds of girls i want will naturally show up in my lifestyle. before this community, i positioned myself so that i'm doing all the things i always wanted to do, and i'll have a peace of mind. the only area i really felt lacking was in relations with attractive women. and now that i'm on that track of eventually becoming the ladies man i want to be, i know it's only inevitable. it's like i'm learning as i go, and i'm kinda waiting it out. and whatever interactions i cross with women and people in general, i've been able to enjoy to the fullest. now it's like i'm making the most of my life from every angle, and i can't imagine where i'll be a year from now. i should add a 3rd bulletpoint to my approach list:

3.) DON'T QUIT.

if you don't get out of the game... EVER... then how can you lose? despite whatever failures may come, don't let ANYTHING knock you off track. laugh, shrug it off, and keep going. sure will obviously take longer if you do next to nothing while in the eBook and audio/video phase, but that is no reason to give up. bottom line: are you better off WITH, or WITHOUT the community? whichever answer gives you the peace of mind you're looking for wins.

also, don't listen to what most guys say on ASF and in the community. simply choose your favorite methods and use them as guides and mentors. and then don't feel obligated to do anything unless you really want to do it, and you'll have fun doing so. it's whatever it means to you. it is what you make of it. if you know that you need someone to push you into sets because you won't do it on your own, well then find a wing who'll help you out. this will put you in the right state of mind when the time comes. when it's all about YOU, your committment will shine through and come off in your body language, tonality, and overall vibe.

oh, and: 4.) attend all the events and meetings.

this includes: lair meetings, bars, clubs, coffeeshops, bookstores, shopping strips, malls, school, etc. basically anywhere you might find HBs. 95% of your success will simply depend on you SHOWING UP. that's it! just by showing up, you're better off than the other 19 lazy asses and recluses. that's you separating yourself from the crowd. don't go with the crowd. don't go with society. most of them are dumbasses.

Positioning
really, this approach is all about POSITIONING yourself for success. if you create a life on your own terms that is to your liking and all the pieces fit well, it's only natural for you to come across the kind of girls you like. everyone wants to be around people that are just like them. and if you go after you're goals and dreams, you'll find others with the same aspirations and ambitions. sure, there may be a 1 out of 20 chance that you're gonna run into that special girl, but with everything you've learned up to this point, you're gonna be READY to show her a reality she's never seen before.

Design a Life
so it is essential that you KNOW YOURSELF, and get your lifestyle down pat. organize your schedule so that you make time for all the essential things that make you feel like a complete person. time for work, hobbies, education, fun, family, friends, food etc. do all the things that give you a peace of mind. YOU design it. YOU are the architect. YOU say what goes and what doesn't when it comes to YOUR life.

Do today what others won't so you can do tomorrow what others can't. Happiness will come to those of you who work and play and can't tell the difference. Don't do anything that doesn't feel right... and don't regret anything that does.

Pastiche

 

Positive’s short direct stack (from PU101)

For anyone who wants to use a direct opener, here’s a short stack, somewhat similar to what I use in field. This isn’t super-intense movie moment style direct. In a nutshell, it is going in with a sincere compliment in a very relaxed manner, and transitioning to rapport almost immediately.

Opener:

Guy: Hey, I saw you across the road, and I had to tell you, you look incredibly cute! Gal: Thank you!

Now, you can pretty much assume attraction, because you can be pretty damn sure that very few guys have the balls to be that direct. So you move into rapport. One thing you DO NOT want to talk about (at least initially) is where she is going or what she is doing (credit Alchemist) because it reminds her of her present reality. Instead, you want to pull her into YOUR reality.

Guy: It’s such a beautiful day outside. You know what I love about SF? Being able to look up and see bright blue skies and feel the sun on your face. What do you like about SF? Gal: Yeah, I love the weather here. blah blah blah

At this point, she isn’t thinking of the clothes she was buying, or where she was going, or what she about to do. You’ve pulled her into thinking about the moment and the beauty of the SF spring.

Next, you want to build an emotional connection with her. So you find out where she’s from, and what are you passionate about. You also want to open yourself and volunteer information. Don’t wait for her to ask you stuff. Tell her about you. Remember, the man leads.

Simple topics to talk about:

  • where are you from and why did you decide to move here? (my default)
  • what are you really passionate about?
  • if you didn’t have to worry about money, what would you do?
  • what’s the coolest thing that has happened to you in the last day/month/year

For each topic, you want to go DEEP about what makes her tick. You want to share yourself, you want her to get to know you. Here’s an example from one of my recent sets:

Guy: So, if you didn’t have to worry about money, what would you do? Gal: I’d be a nurse. Guy: Wow! My grandma was a nurse during World War 2 (true) and she told us all these stories about how she’d treat soldiers with all kinds of wounds, and the best reward she ever got was when the soldiers left the hospital and smiled at her as they walked out (I made this up). In fact, she told me about this army captain that came in with both his legs blown off, and he was so sad by the loss of his legs. She was assigned to him and blah blah blah… And one day, he was ready to leave the hospital. He came up to her in his wheelchair, held her hand, and said, “Thank you for everything. You are such an inspiration to me to continue my life. I’ll never forget you.” And right there, my grandma started crying, and she just knew that she was in the right field. etc

After you feel that you have a good emotional connection, you want to bring it back to the surface, talk about hobbies (eg what you do during the week) and food. You talk about your week because that is important info when arranging for a day2. And food is a really nice topic because errr… because I like food. :)

Humor… Hmm… There is some debate in the community on the use of humor during the rapport stage. Here’s my take (mostly “borrowed” from Lance). I use it sparingly. I always want to remind her that I am a cool fun guy, and what better way than to sprinkle in little bits of humor here and there. However, you have to be really careful when you use humor. You can (should?) use humor when the topic is a little lighter. But you do NOT want to make any jokes in response to anything that she shares with you that is deep. That will make her feel rejected (I’m opening up to you and you’re making a joke out of it?!). And the humor I’m talking about here isn’t the C+F ball busting sort of humor you use in the attraction phase. It’s a teasing sort of humor, like what you would do with your girlfriend.

Eg: Guy: What are you really passionate about? Gal: I like rock climbing. Guy: Cool. You look like the kinda girl who likes to do it without protection. wink

Take it into deep rapport. Bring it back to the surface and do wide rapport. Sprinkle in some humor when appropriate. Repeat.

Next, you want to arrange a day2. You did talk about logistics right? If so, the day2 close should flow fairly easily. You’ve done your required reading, so you already know how to set up a solid day2. Erm… you DID do the reading right?After getting the day2 close, you want to KEEP TALKING TO HER for another 5-10 minutes. You do not want to be the guy who gets her number and immediately leaves (credit Shanghai). If you do that, she will feel that you only wanted to talk to her to get her number, and she will feel like just another entry in your phonebook.

Finally, eject… Eject in a classy manner. “It was great meeting you, and I’m glad we had this conversation”. Give her a hug. Give her a kiss (if possible). Then leave. Congratulations! You’ve just had a wonderful 15-30 minute conversation!

Positive

 

Retrospect on Rapport

First post. Awesome. So yeah, moreso than for anyone out there reading this, but I'm gonna use this as a medium for me to remind MYSELF of things I should keep in mind, or so I can look back at how I thought about things at a certain point in time, or to just put it out there so I don't think about it anymore. My mind races a lot. This will be good for clearing my head.

No Enemies
I was just thinking tonight about how over the past several years, I've become that guy who has no enemies. Everyone enjoys having me around in one way or another. Simply put, I've always been that "cool guy." Then come the days of doing technology sales for Office Depot and success in the network marketing arena, and I feel that among other things, these two experiences helped me a lot when it comes to field work. I learned to relate with my customers and associates on deeper levels.

If you've ever worked in retail and sales, you may know what I'm talking about when find yourself in a position where the customer starts telling you their life stories, and you just KNOW that if you ask another question, it could add 20 minutes to the interaction, yet you're compelled to ask it anyway. And alas, 20 more minutes wasted on one customer, buying or not. You could've used that time to work on or "game" other customers and either opened or made more sales in less time.

The Tree of Life
Now when it comes to relating and rapport, I'm reminded of the model of a tree's roots (in the future, I will be referencing trees and other spiritual and metaphorical symbols). Notice how a tree has a lot of individual roots, some shallow, some deep, but all those combined, they keep that tree standing solid and strong? Well this should set up the foundation of setting up reliable relations with women (however long or short). Your goal to find those deep roots. Get DEEPLY ROOTED. You only need like maybe 3-5 of these to REALLY form a connection.

Keep It Simple, Stupid
Ask very simple questions like: What kind of music do you like? Are you into jazz? What's your favorite movie? Do you like to travel? What's your favorite band? Ask a lot of these (no more than two in a row, relevant to the topic. No probing. No interview. No "20 questions"), and with each one, make a thread. Exchange stories. TRULY LISTEN to what the other person has to say so that you can find key words that you can use expand the thread in another direction. These are tangents, really. Don't worry about transitions. You can either go, "Anyway, blah blah blah," or just say, "Oh HEY. Have you ever..." like it was off the top of your head. Just let it flow.

So if she's not biting onto this one topic you introduced, try something else until she does (again, no probing). Ask her things that YOU are into. This way, you effectively QUALIFY her to be the kind of girl you're looking for. It's your screening process. Make sure they're questions that you can back up with STORIES, and let her exchange stories with you (you DO have a lifestyle that allows you to ask such questions, don't you? Be congruent.). This is how the interaction will go deep. Going deeper and deeper on at least 3/10 of the topics you cleverly and smoothly introduced (well timed of course), will insure that she remembers you and answers your call the next day, or calls you back.

You already know this!
You can apply these ideas in ANY interaction you have with another person. Looking back, notice that this is how you created lasting friendships and relationships in the past. You guys just kinda "hit it off" and connected on so many levels. Remember, this is just a format for a very NORMAL conversation. In fact, for anyone eavesdropping, it may seem like the same ol' boring stuff that EVERYONE talks about. Well, it may start out that way, but YOU are gonna do it better and steer it in a better direction than anyone else who's tried to run this past her and gotten nowhere. As long as it's in your style, and you're congruent with it, you'll be good. Now that you know the simple mechanics of it, go out and use it! Practice. Calibrate. Have fun!

Eww. This started to sound like some serious, formal newsletter thingie. This part of me is SO 2004! we'll change that in the near future. later peoples.

Pastiche

About me

  • I'm Pastiche
  • From Houston, Texas, United States
  • My mentality is all about POSITIONING. We choose to design a LIFESTYLE that serves our core values in Health, Wealth, and Love. The more we fine-tune this lifestyle, the closer we position ourselves towards our goals. By taking a macro, big-picture approach to life, you streamline and reduce the need to micro manage, and increase your capacity for enjoying the process. Less effort. More quality.
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